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August 14, 2014

You wanted the world to know but the world was so busy. You moved yourself here; paced yourself there; tried to shake your body; clasped your arms together; stomped your feet; you even swayed your waist yet the world stood silent - left you unnoticed. 

You then opened your mouth, was about to speak, to finally call its attention but you decided to keep it. 

Maybe not now, maybe next time. You shared your smile but it was no longer like the old perfect curve that you always had; not anymore endearing. So you just walked... and walked.. felt braved enough to move your feet though reluctantly but still with accordance. 

You walked continuously, until you heard the sound of your own footsteps. Stomp.. stamp..  You got annoyed. The sound was changing. From soft to hard; slow to fast. stamp.. stomp.. You were annoyed at the thought that it was following you where in fact it was you who creates such sound.

As each approach was changing,. You ventured into different directions. You chose different paths. In you mind you're wondering, why the world did cared any seconds on you? You got tired and paused.

You stopped. You sat. In the corner of the world, you took noticed.

For the first time you glanced at the world. Abruptly, it popped into you that the world might be silent but has been staring at you. It's finally sinking. The world is just watching.

The world is watching and it is in deep chaos. The world who is just watching is in deep deep chaos. It is is deep deep chaos yet can barely see what causes it.

NO!

It can be seen, EVIDENTLY. What the world needs. What the world shouts. And the world was not busy at all. The world was just still.

See, it is not the world but those who move into the world and not merely the One who moves the world. Finally, you see that those including you who were busy: eyes locked on different views; hands glued on different machines; mouth that doesn't know when to close; ears that buried the speakers; nose that failed to recognize.

And the world is again staring. Though chaos surrounds it, it tries to hold its pace. Wanting others to realize that she is the world they are in.

You felt pity for the world, but the world needs no pity. What the world needs is your attention, their attention, everyone's attention. For the world sees you. More than holding you, it gives you life.

Taking a look at it, the world is smiling but with tears in its eyes.

"At last you noticed me, at last you paid importance."

You then felt that the world is not just holding you but embracing you. It could have been tight if not for the bruises that you and many others caused. Mixture feeling is soothing you in for such love and care.

It the occurred to you that it is not only you who needs attention. Not even the world who now rejoices for your recognition. It is the One who made the world, and who continuously supports it for you. The one who provides' the one who sustains; the one who creates.

Stuttering lab dub

I went to the clinic to consult my chest which is undergoing some contractions.
I was 15 back then, and the doctor evaluating me smirked at my young face.
'Let's do this,' I read her mind. She opened the drawer and lifted her stethoscope.
Directing it into my heart, the doctor recognized its high speed.. lab dub lab dub

But she was not convinced and doesn't want to believe in a young girl.
She just smiled and told me three hurting words, 'it was nothing.'
Explaining that maybe I was just nervous, perhaps dealing with heart breaks.
Heart breaks? Well, I've got none not even with my parents nor with my grades.

At that very moment sitting silently in front of her with table between us,
I badly wanted to retort, to express my defense. 'How could you?'
But I stood still, closed my fist calming myself she doesn't know, right?
I know I felt that pang in my heart, I stood up and closed the door behind her.

Six years had passed. Recalling the incident, how I went straight to the clinic,
how I consulted my aching heart, how the doctor slapped to me that it was nothing
made me realize that what she had altered is easier than dealing with heart breaks.
For I felt the same pang but this time it maybe scientific but not physically.

For I cannot go straight to the clinic and wail that my heart has been beating hard,
and I will just get disappointed by their answers that no medicine can ease the pain,
That stethoscope will just hear its fast lab dub but not see how slowly it is bleeding,
That the recovery is not inside the hospital not even outside the vicinity but inside me.

And all I can do is to close my eyes and listen to it, maybe its not just a mere lab dub,
That maybe tears flowing from within will try to wash it, to cleanse the blood away.
And I'll hear the clock's tick tock and ask myself how many times had already elapsed?
Hoping that soon enough, soon I will stand up, try to walk, and close the door behind.