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August 14, 2014

You wanted the world to know but the world was so busy. You moved yourself here; paced yourself there; tried to shake your body; clasped your arms together; stomped your feet; you even swayed your waist yet the world stood silent - left you unnoticed. 

You then opened your mouth, was about to speak, to finally call its attention but you decided to keep it. 

Maybe not now, maybe next time. You shared your smile but it was no longer like the old perfect curve that you always had; not anymore endearing. So you just walked... and walked.. felt braved enough to move your feet though reluctantly but still with accordance. 

You walked continuously, until you heard the sound of your own footsteps. Stomp.. stamp..  You got annoyed. The sound was changing. From soft to hard; slow to fast. stamp.. stomp.. You were annoyed at the thought that it was following you where in fact it was you who creates such sound.

As each approach was changing,. You ventured into different directions. You chose different paths. In you mind you're wondering, why the world did cared any seconds on you? You got tired and paused.

You stopped. You sat. In the corner of the world, you took noticed.

For the first time you glanced at the world. Abruptly, it popped into you that the world might be silent but has been staring at you. It's finally sinking. The world is just watching.

The world is watching and it is in deep chaos. The world who is just watching is in deep deep chaos. It is is deep deep chaos yet can barely see what causes it.

NO!

It can be seen, EVIDENTLY. What the world needs. What the world shouts. And the world was not busy at all. The world was just still.

See, it is not the world but those who move into the world and not merely the One who moves the world. Finally, you see that those including you who were busy: eyes locked on different views; hands glued on different machines; mouth that doesn't know when to close; ears that buried the speakers; nose that failed to recognize.

And the world is again staring. Though chaos surrounds it, it tries to hold its pace. Wanting others to realize that she is the world they are in.

You felt pity for the world, but the world needs no pity. What the world needs is your attention, their attention, everyone's attention. For the world sees you. More than holding you, it gives you life.

Taking a look at it, the world is smiling but with tears in its eyes.

"At last you noticed me, at last you paid importance."

You then felt that the world is not just holding you but embracing you. It could have been tight if not for the bruises that you and many others caused. Mixture feeling is soothing you in for such love and care.

It the occurred to you that it is not only you who needs attention. Not even the world who now rejoices for your recognition. It is the One who made the world, and who continuously supports it for you. The one who provides' the one who sustains; the one who creates.

Stuttering lab dub

I went to the clinic to consult my chest which is undergoing some contractions.
I was 15 back then, and the doctor evaluating me smirked at my young face.
'Let's do this,' I read her mind. She opened the drawer and lifted her stethoscope.
Directing it into my heart, the doctor recognized its high speed.. lab dub lab dub

But she was not convinced and doesn't want to believe in a young girl.
She just smiled and told me three hurting words, 'it was nothing.'
Explaining that maybe I was just nervous, perhaps dealing with heart breaks.
Heart breaks? Well, I've got none not even with my parents nor with my grades.

At that very moment sitting silently in front of her with table between us,
I badly wanted to retort, to express my defense. 'How could you?'
But I stood still, closed my fist calming myself she doesn't know, right?
I know I felt that pang in my heart, I stood up and closed the door behind her.

Six years had passed. Recalling the incident, how I went straight to the clinic,
how I consulted my aching heart, how the doctor slapped to me that it was nothing
made me realize that what she had altered is easier than dealing with heart breaks.
For I felt the same pang but this time it maybe scientific but not physically.

For I cannot go straight to the clinic and wail that my heart has been beating hard,
and I will just get disappointed by their answers that no medicine can ease the pain,
That stethoscope will just hear its fast lab dub but not see how slowly it is bleeding,
That the recovery is not inside the hospital not even outside the vicinity but inside me.

And all I can do is to close my eyes and listen to it, maybe its not just a mere lab dub,
That maybe tears flowing from within will try to wash it, to cleanse the blood away.
And I'll hear the clock's tick tock and ask myself how many times had already elapsed?
Hoping that soon enough, soon I will stand up, try to walk, and close the door behind.

A Day Escape to Manaoag, Pangasinan, Philippines

Most of us really loves to travel because for the mean time it makes us want to flee from work, want to be far from the noisy urban; want to breathe some fresh air, and the more, want to have a fun-filled adventure. But to have these means sacrificing two things: first is schedule and second is budget.

For a day schedule and 1-1.5k php budget here's a Manaoag, Pangasinan trip for you. :)

1. How to get there? First, you have to find a bus terminal that offers ride to Pangasinan. You'll find Dagupan bus but there are also from Victory Liner, Five Star, and Solid North. Fare from Cubao to Manaoag is 315php but then we stopped by at Buer, Pangasinan and it costs us 303php form Cubao to Buer and another 45php bus fare from Buer to Dagupan then another 30php van fare from Dagupan to Manaoag. Travel time for commuters usually takes 5 hours but if you own a car then lucky you, it may only take four hours.

Google map really helps ;) time travel is also accurate.

On a personal note, we actually left Manila at 7pm, made it Buer, Pangasinan by 12 midnight. We stayed at my friend's friend's house (yeah you got the thing there haha) My eyes opened by 4am and we were supposed to leave at that time but they can't be moved out of the bed so by 5am we were invited for breakfast and we had to fix ourselves so we left at 7am.

2. Arriving at Manaoag, the only spot that you must not miss is the known Shrine of Our Lady of the Rosary of Manaoag. Mass schedule is from 5am to 11am then resumes at 5pm in the afternoon up to 7pm if I can still recall it correctly.

     

 Front view of the Shrine of Our Lady of the Rosary of Manaoag.

 Closer look at Our Lady of Manaoag where people can kneel and whisper their prayers.

Blessing after mass. Before the start of 12nn mass, people line up to kiss the sacred stone (if I'm not mistaken) which is attached to a cross. Beside the priest, who holds the sacred image, the mother butler is giving away bread inside a small brown paper bag. I have no idea beyond that tradition but we made our way anyway :)

 At the back side of the church there's this sculpture which is engraved in a tree.

 After the mass we headed at the back of the church where another image of mother Mary is a must see.

                                 

 You can also light your candle to say a prayer of intercessions in this still fountain-like area.

3. Last stop at Pangasinan, don't miss the free beach at San Fabian, Pangasinan.

From Manaoag, we rode a tricycle for 45 minutes which costs 200php.  Beware, you should know how to deal with Manong Drivers hehe good thing we were endorsed to a kind one. You may also take jeep but that might cause time due to cutting trips. So here's the beautiful view of San Fabian Beach. :)

                       

 As you can see, the sand is full of mini sea shells. Yes, vehicle, like tricycle as seen above, roams around the are. That was actually an accidental snapshot ;)

                                                  

 Cottages, unlike a year ago, was no longer that amusing. Though the offer is cheap, we just build a tent near the sea side.

 

Nonetheless, we seized the day! :D

                                 

Snapshots by the beach :)

 Madam Cecille :) 

 Baby Rose Ann :)

And yes, me having my own drama - whispering to the wind and wanting the sea breeze to wave away unwanted memories (if such can really be done haha).

PS. You may take showers at the cottage areas where you have to pay 10php. Additional tip, roam around and choose a tidy one haha.

4. Finally! Back to Manila. We stayed at the beach for 30 mins :) then rode another tricycle for 60php where in the Manong Driver drop us at a nearby bus station. Unfortunately, next trip to Manila will be by 11pm so we decided to take bus going to Daguapan. Fare costs 30php then from Dagupan to Manila, 350php.

 

Us while waiting for the bus.

 San Fabian Church. We were not able to drop by at this place. I  just took this photo while riding the bus.

 What a wonderful view isn't it? Perhaps this is Manaoag, Pangasinan's

way of waving goodbye to us.

Suggestions:

As what you've just witnessed, this is just a day trip to Manaoag. If by chance you have 2 to 3 days trip to Pangasinan, you may also visit some a must see paradise like the Hundred Islands in Alaminos, Pangasinan. 

This is Aj! Thank you for stopping by at my site and hope you'll build good memories on your own escapade.Keep in mind the tagline: 'Take nothing but photos; burn nothing but fats; and leave nothing but footprints.'

My phone notes say... (Part 1)

WARNING: These are personal notes from my phone, can bravely put it here because dang! it's been 2 years haha


11:15pm, Sun May 5 2013

Hello phone notes, yes, I totally got you. Too many thoughts are again booming in my head. I'm tired doing nothing because it gives me time to think. I just hope it will all fit here. Wait, no I won't say that much. Haha I'm just oozing out my negativity and just focus on the wonders of the world and, of course, BLESSINGS. Yay, love you God.

10:59pm, Tue May 7 2013

ang lungkot lang talaga ng araw na to :( na dapat special day ko. Ang bigat talaga God/ From family, mr. Techy, ate Kath, to Cantors. Gusto ko na magburst, ang sakit sa puso. Why things have to be like this? Bakit kasi ako nagkaron gantong utak? I'm thinking too much and worst is it's more on negative things. :( God, I lift everything up to You. Fill this emptiness of mine, turn confusion into assurance. May I see things the way You see them. Heal us not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.

10:10am, Sat May 18, 2013

Bakit feeling ko lately ang moody ko :/ tapos parang madalas nagiging gloomy ako. Hay ewan basta pag-ako talaga nag-isip waley na Hmm gusto kong sumama sa night swimming ng Cantors, namimiss ko na talaga silang makabonding. Nga lang malabo rin talagang payagan. Sana gumaling na si baby. Ang bigat din pala sa feeling pagnireject mo yung talk kahit na biglaan. Pero kasi iba eh, baka di ako maging effective kunsakaling tinanggap ko. Baka magfocus lang ako sa sarili ko imbes na kay God. Pero wala lang di ko man lang na proclaim ung greatness Niya sa 'kin. Anyways, I'm praying for the success of B3 camp. May times na feeling ko masmagandang maging tahimik na lang, ewan lang. Parati ka kasing okay sa paningin nila pero deep within something's bothering you. You wish at least one will ask if you are okay. Maybe I just want some comfort. Wala lang drama lang. Kunsabagay, I wanted to be the source of happiness. ^_^ okay na un, basta masaya sila. That simple thing makes me happy and comfortable. In everything that I do, I should be reminded that it is always between me and my God.

09:33pm, Mon May 20 2013

"Let's go back to the basic. It would be a bit hard but it will not take long". She had finally decided, it was a moment of enlightenment she thought. It has been months since the day that she gave in and trusted her heart. There was nothing wrong with it, they both know the situation and are happy being together. Their tandem is really good for they respect each others differences and cling to each others goodness. It was night when they talked about their situation. She explained her side, making him see the bigger picture. The guy just stood next to her, listening attentively for he has no idea what commotion is happening between them. They were happy, they share their experiences, their stories, their laughter. Everything is normal until this night that she seems so lost in her story. What happened? He was hurt, and she felt it. When it's time, he explained his side and the realized that she just drop their promise of being open. She was easily affected by the words of her good critic friend. She had forgotten to fight for what they have gone through - to stand still.

8:43pm, Mon May 27 2013

What's in your heart Joyce? I wish it is as hard as stone, I want to harden it so that I won't feel pain even sadness that it bears. This will be the last night and I wish to freeze the moment. I do not want tomorrow to come. I'm afraid to hug her as tight as I could for tears will surely fall. In my face, you'll see curves but deep within, looking straight into my eyes you'll see the loneliness it feels. I'm again starting to feel pity for myself. I'm back to being independent, I'm back to my life's old routine without her. I'm gonna miss her again, I'll soon be longing for her arms, kiss, caress, and even voice. :'( life. Yes, I always know this day will arrive. Just let me endure this, my heart is silently weeping. Hugs God, please hug me tight.

05:01pm, Sat Jun 1 2013

Worship Ministry Formation

'We are broken in able for us to be shared for others.' - Fr. Mon

Holy Eucharist: What part of our lives need to be fed? Look forward for something new. It is not just what the priest is saying, sometimes, it is seeing others, their situation and the reality.

Servants: revealed the extra ordinary substance for the Lord. It is our relationship with the Lord that makes the  difference.
*nourishing others
*life-giving community

12:49pm, Sun Jun 2 2013

 life realization: Sometimes not all we want, we have; and not all we have, we love

10:28, Tue Jun 4 2013

'you keep things to yourself. You're loud yet you don't show what's inside you. You're afraid it might bother others and that thing makes it difficult for you. You wanted to shut everything up - to stop thinking. You have your own different escapes. You're afraid to commit not merely because of uncertainties but because you-do-not-want-to-lose.' - that's me. I wonder why things seem so complicated or it's just me that complicates it? Life! I really hate this feeling. Ah Joyce please, whatever it is, just stop and surrender. :'( "can mind really empower the hear? If then, why hearts are being broken."

11:22, Tue Jun 11 2013

God please help me discern more. Help me to do things justly and according to Your will.

1:32pm, Fri Jun 21, 2013

so I made a poem:
"Impossibility" by yours truly :))
Have you tried counting the stars?
What about staring at the wind?
Things that beyond our reach,
Impossible, so are your feelings for me.

High up above the vast blue sky,
My eyes see the beauty it holds
but my bare habds cannot reach it.
Impossible, so are my feelings for you.

The ocean is deep yet silent.
Underneath it is hidden wonders,
hard to gather, unable to capture.
Impossible, so are our feelings for each other. 

 CFC ANNIV

Knowing Jesus is not an effort, knowing Him is a gift... Everyday Jesus reveals himself, but will we be there? - Fr. Tagle

Lost Phone, Lost Memory

I know one should not feel deeply sad about losing a material, but believe I it is still right to at least be affected of the lost incident.

My butt is already buried in my chair when one of our Managing Editors approached me. She asked me to have a checked on our evaluators, who were on our conference room. My laptop had gone out of battery so I have to find an outlet, unfortunately no outlet is closer to my area. She advised me to transfer in the conference room instead. I fixed my things, carried my open laptop and put both the cord and phone atop of it. Transferring from one area to another was a struggle since both my hands supports my stuff. Good thing my friend opened the door for me on my way out but no person was astray on my way to conference room. I tried to support my things in one hand and bang! My phone slipped.

It was not unusual to see my phone falling. In fact, it already rolled on the stairs, so I picked it up and found the scenery to be normal. I did not recognize the damage until my laptop is already set, I put the battery, and flipped it. The screen was still there but shattered. I brought it to life, expecting it to still function but the touch screen no longer works. It just left my finger bleeding.

It's Nokia, it's brave, so I really thought it will survive the fall. Anyway, it did not sink in for awhile since I was planning to buy new phone by December. Abruptly, memories flashes into me and the drama is slowly filling me in up until I was typing this. I also remembered that I was advised to change my phone many times since it's not android.  But, of course, I insisted on using it simply because it supplies me my needs. And the thought made me conclude that I hadn't moved on since. I didn't look nor inquire any other though I see lots of convenient choices.

I know it's just a material fall and there's only two remedy, one is to try to fix it and the other is to find new one. It is not my first time losing a phone, but every lost is remarkable because I usually invest memory in those - save text messages, write notes. Nonetheless, the incident seemed to slap me. As if waking me to recognize fall and entertain new things. I always say to myself that everything happens for a reason and no matter how hard the fall would be I have to bravely face it.

I've decided to make it fix, retrieve the things that I can still retrieve. If in case it's still working, I will hand it to my cousin who doesn't own a phone, and lastly move on with my life haha

Lost Diary

I'll start again. Yes, maybe not on how my pen dance but how my fingers feel the carvings on the keys. I'll try to start how my hands should cooperate with my brain for it is faster even as compared with the sound that comes out of my mouth. Worry not, I've totally not forgotten how, I'm just afraid of my whys but I've certainly not forgotten how but on how it should be, I have no knowledge.

Dates, time, places. Who would have exclude these elements for highlighting such, whether a tear was shed or laughter was shared. It is not a routine but a cycle of all these. Numbers, numbers, numbers. For it's span, short or long, is the infinite of many. North, South, West, East. Who doesn't want to explore, to find their home? All these contributes. All these are important, for one who remembers and to one who forgets.

Now I'm finally lingering to a fresh new, to something I've been striving for, and even to nothingness. Just to contain my hunger, just to sustain my need, and just to find what is lost or what has been lost. In totality, in the vagueness of all these maybe I'm the one who's lost and just wanted to be found but seeking its being in a parcel that is existing yet unknown.

So my final blow would be, I will unlearn everything to learn everything. To find what is lost or what has been lost all along. To be found, and to finally find my home.